My Wardrobe Problem and How To Fix It

This is my wardrobe:

1. 1,000 Pairs of Jeans
2. 1,000,000,000 Cardigans
3. 10,000 Hand-Me-Down T-Shirts from HBL
4. 5,000 Pairs of Sweats, Leggings and Sweat Shorts (combined)

AND

5. 4 Blouses

Would it be an understatement to say “Zoiks”?

I have a problem choosing tops. Ye Olde Waist and Mammaries have expanded tremendously since having children, so I get confused about what to wear up there. When I was younger, I could slap on any old thing – tight, lose, cropped, boxy, whatevs! – and it would look great! Now? Well, I wore a very blousy, boxy, au courant top several months ago and someone was taking pictures. I saw those pictures.

I repeat: “Zoiks.”

Alas, I went from “Athletic” to “Apple” in a span of two children, but have been in denial over it. I don’t intend on remaining fruit shaped, but while I am here, can’t I, perhaps, enjoy doing the “Candied Apple” thing versus the “Great, Big, Burly Tent” thing?

I think I know the answer to that question.

Anyway, if you’re apple-y (or do we prefer muffin top-y?), let’s consider these options for ourselves and quit trying to hide! V-necks, U-necks, wrap arounds, ruching, empire waists – they are all our friends! Anything to create a waist line, break up that middle and draw their eyes elsewhere. That’s the ticket!

And if all else fails, GIRDLE dem loins!!!

Hey fellow apple! Do you want a little more info on how to dress your shape? Try these links!

Creative Fashion
You Look Fab
Karen Klopp for Huffington Post