My Wardrobe Problem and How To Fix It

This is my wardrobe:

1. 1,000 Pairs of Jeans
2. 1,000,000,000 Cardigans
3. 10,000 Hand-Me-Down T-Shirts from HBL
4. 5,000 Pairs of Sweats, Leggings and Sweat Shorts (combined)

AND

5. 4 Blouses

Would it be an understatement to say “Zoiks”?

I have a problem choosing tops. Ye Olde Waist and Mammaries have expanded tremendously since having children, so I get confused about what to wear up there. When I was younger, I could slap on any old thing – tight, lose, cropped, boxy, whatevs! – and it would look great! Now? Well, I wore a very blousy, boxy, au courant top several months ago and someone was taking pictures. I saw those pictures.

I repeat: “Zoiks.”

Alas, I went from “Athletic” to “Apple” in a span of two children, but have been in denial over it. I don’t intend on remaining fruit shaped, but while I am here, can’t I, perhaps, enjoy doing the “Candied Apple” thing versus the “Great, Big, Burly Tent” thing?

I think I know the answer to that question.

Anyway, if you’re apple-y (or do we prefer muffin top-y?), let’s consider these options for ourselves and quit trying to hide! V-necks, U-necks, wrap arounds, ruching, empire waists – they are all our friends! Anything to create a waist line, break up that middle and draw their eyes elsewhere. That’s the ticket!

And if all else fails, GIRDLE dem loins!!!

Top Inspiration for Apple Shapes

 

Hey fellow apple! Do you want a little more info on how to dress your shape? Try these links!

Creative Fashion
You Look Fab
Karen Klopp for Huffington Post

 

About Jennifer

Jennifer is a proud wife and mommy of two. Since becoming a SAHM, she has discovered her knack for procrastination and the ability to survive on thirty minutes of sleep. She loves chocolate chip cookies. And other foods that involve butter.
 
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Comments

  1. I have zero curves up there. I wish I had even one slice of apple pie!

  2. I don't know what my shape is…I know I always need new dresses!

  3. I don't know how or why but I don't have any nice tops either. T-shirts aplenty but hardly any "Oh heeey, I'm still a woman" shirts. I need to get on this too.

  4. I wish that I had boobies. I do not.

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