I had to tell my baby boy to stop jumping on the couch one too many times the other day. And when he did finally listen, he decided what I meant was to take the cushions off the couch, lay them on the floor and jump on them there instead.
So I raised my voice.
And then this kid had the nerve to say to me, “Mommy, you talk too youd!”
Of all the…
I promised myself when I was younger that I wouldn’t turn into my mother. And for the most part, I haven’t (yeah, right). But days like that day, when I couldn’t be my usual, patient self, I resorted to using an old parenting ‘trick’ my mom used on me when I was growing up: using an inanimate object to scare my child into action.
I used the vacuum, people.
My kid is scared of the vacuum. If I start that sucker and he hasn’t gone to his safe place on the couch, he is in a fit of hysterics. I usually have to stop the vacuum, wait for him to get into place, then begin again. So, when Sonny Boy didn’t listen to me with the jumping, I exclaimed, “I’M GOING TO VACUUM NOW!” and marched over to the vacuum cleaner that is oh-so-conveniently placed in plain view of the family room.
You never saw a kid put away couch cushions so fast. Woah.
At that moment, the teenager in me realized that my mom might have done some things right.
… But don’t tell her you heard that from me…