Brown couch
Mom Life

A Night With A Toddler

My little Monkey Boy has turned into a real life monkey. He’s running over and climbing onto everything he can – including me! His favorite thing to climb? Our couch. Would you like to take a look at our evening routine?

Brown couch

He jumps on the couch. I pull him off. He climbs back on. I have a heart attack at his near fall. I put him down on the floor. He climbs back on. He hangs over the side of the couch to talk to the dogs. I pee a little bit. I pull him off the couch.

Last night, this insanity went on for at least twenty minutes. Oh, and the entire time, I’m also pleading with him:

“Baby, no.”

“Babe, stop.”

“What did mommy say?”

“Baby, you will fall! Then what will you do?”

“If I have to tell you one more time…”


“Do you want to go night-night now? If you don’t listen to mommy, you will!”

On and on and on, like a broken record. It’s also exasperating watching my kid cry and throw himself to the ground because I won’t let him break his neck.

And did I mention my voice? Not only am I speaking to him through clenched teeth, but my voice is slower, lower, and meaner. This is not how I imagined I’d be speaking toward my precious, precious boy. I feel so guilty. I mean, for goodness sake, the kid’s only one year old! Isn’t this how they’re supposed to be acting?


The night ended with my husband asking me, “Why are you so stressed?”

[ Insert here a facial expression that most appropriately answers this question ]

I hope this chaotic night is not an indicator of what life with a toddler is like. If it is, then I’m gonna need some help. The kind that comes in a bottle.

15 thoughts on “A Night With A Toddler”

  1. heh heh ..and when they hit those golden years of "teenagers" and take the car driving.. your heart will still be in your throat..and you'll still want to say NO.. LOLTRADE YOU!?

  2. Oh god can I relate. My son is 3 and a half and still, I relate. My desire to let him learn and grow and be a kid is constantly conflicting with my fear of him getting hurt and this strange harpie woman living inside of me who sometimes. just. wants. peace.

  3. The clenched teeth, slower,lower and MEANER mommy threat. Love it! And the hubby coming home and innocently asking "why are you so stressed?" Now that's a hoot!Welcome to my SAH world with two toddlers. But…..last week when they were both sick? I could have sworn I had two infants on my hands so I'll take toddlers over that any day!And your sweet little monkey is learning cause and effect: hmmm, when I jump on the couch, my mommy's neck veins stick out. KEWL!

  4. It is a sad day when that sweet little baby becomes an independent, stubborn little toddler!! UGHH!! Hang in there, I wish I could tell you that he will eventually get tired of climbing the couch, but he won't. And he he will unfortunately move on to other equally destructive and heartstopping explorations! Being a mother of boys is always lively, that is for sure!

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