My little Monkey Boy has turned into a real life monkey. He’s running over and climbing onto everything he can – including me! His favorite thing to climb? Our couch. Would you like to take a look at our evening routine?
He jumps on the couch. I pull him off. He climbs back on. I have a heart attack at his near fall. I put him down on the floor. He climbs back on. He hangs over the side of the couch to talk to the dogs. I pee a little bit. I pull him off the couch.
Last night, this insanity went on for at least twenty minutes. Oh, and the entire time, I’m also pleading with him:
“What did mommy say?”
“Baby, you will fall! Then what will you do?”
“If I have to tell you one more time…”
“Do you want to go night-night now? If you don’t listen to mommy, you will!”
On and on and on, like a broken record. It’s also exasperating watching my kid cry and throw himself to the ground because I won’t let him break his neck.
And did I mention my voice? Not only am I speaking to him through clenched teeth, but my voice is slower, lower, and meaner. This is not how I imagined I’d be speaking toward my precious, precious boy. I feel so guilty. I mean, for goodness sake, the kid’s only one year old! Isn’t this how they’re supposed to be acting?
The night ended with my husband asking me, “Why are you so stressed?”
[ Insert here a facial expression that most appropriately answers this question ]
I hope this chaotic night is not an indicator of what life with a toddler is like. If it is, then I’m gonna need some help. The kind that comes in a bottle.