Life Stories

The Thong Song

I woke up this morning with a wedgie.

I was deep in sleep mode, when I was rudely awoken by what seemed like thirty yards of fabric stuck between my cheeks. In my semi-lucid state, I dug it out, and went back to sleep. But darn it if that fabric didn’t shift with my body and bury itself in the abyss again!

As I lay there, awake, and angry about all the action my butt was getting, I seriously thought about throwing away the underwear I was wearing – if I wanted any kind of material stuffed in there, I’d wear a thong! And mama don’t do no thongs. Personally, I prefer not to wear them because I always feel like I have to pull it out. But I have several girlfriends who are of this mentality: Thongs or Die.

Pretty passionate group, eh? Lemme try to get an idea of where their passion has taken them. They won a small – though short lived – victory in the 80s, when exercise leotards went thong:

The Thong Song - 1“Aerobic_exercise_-_public_demonstration12” by Myself (Own work) | CC BY-SA 2.5 | Wikimedia Commons

I think that some of their more enthusiastic members have been working hard this past decade to bring some of that glory back:

The Thong Song - 2“Thongscrewbadluck” By screw badluck | CC BY-SA 2.0 | Wikimedia Commons

Though they’ve owned Brazil and South Beach for quite some time now, I think the vast majority of their members are very discreet, preferring the style just so they can avoid VPL (Visible Panty Lines):

The Thong Song - 3“Schwarze Glanzradlerhose” by Lord Copplepot | Public Domain | Wikimedia Commons

I applaud their ability to ignore floss chaffing – it takes a great deal of mental power to do that. The rest of us granny panty wearers would probably be right behind them if it wasn’t for that.

28 thoughts on “The Thong Song”

  1. Oh gosh… I think that hippo just scarred me for life, CG or not! Haha. When I'm walking through Old Navy or something and just see a box full of thongs just sittin' there, I wonder how- and why- people wear them.

  2. I do agree with the previous posters, I am a granny panties gal. Thonngs are just icky!The hippo is scary and hilarious at the same time! Thanks for starting my morning with a laugh!

  3. I have to say I'm a commando gal myself! Started with the last pregnancy, I'd wear my granny panties and they'd roll down my extra large tummy. Frustrated, I took scissors at work, went off to the ladies room and CUT THEM OFF. I've NEVER LOOKED BACK!

  4. I'll wave my granny panties to that!I can't do the thong thing anymore. I used to, with white pants or shorts, but now – no thanks! I did find a pair of granny panties at Victoria's Secret that don't show panty lines.

  5. Oh I am so with you here. Momma got to much back for thongs. That thing would get lost who knows where. Plus I think some people trying to avoid panty lines really need to be wearing a pair of spanks not a thong. Funny post!

  6. haha that video is hilarious … i've watched it three times! I'm a thong wearer but I have secret …. i don't wear panties to bed – i wear dh's undies so i figure i'm ok? lol

  7. the invention that most perplexes me is the thong pantyliner? WHAT! and WHY? if you need lining then you need panties, not dental floss, thank you!

  8. I'm with ya! I am constantly in search of the seamless panty to avoid those panty lines without having to subject myself to the thong – aka permanent wedgie. Boyshort styles work pretty well – Maidenform makes quite a few good ones.

  9. Oh I need a moment to collect myself…LOLThat was so funny. I am so with you on NOT being a thong wearer…Hey,You can get very pretty and sexy regular panies these days!!! :)

  10. I don't do thongs either. I'm somewhere in the middle between granny panties and bikini underwear. At night, I do go commando….I dunno why. It's comfortable, I suppose.

  11. You crack me up!! hahaThongs are one thing – but even thongs are getting smaller and smaller. At some point we are just going to tie floss around our waist and call it good.

  12. I absolutely despise thongs, on me I mean, I don't care either way about what other folks wear. I have a super-sharp tail bone. I have yet to find a thong that did not rub my tail bone, to the point that it feels bruised. I would love to wear them, but have never been able…

  13. I sleep commando, butt (pun intended) in my current weight category, I wear the full-butt panties during the day.Just too much work to pull things out with all that space back there.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge